IT IS GOOD TO REMEMBER

I have been reading people’s response to the gratitude challenge on Facebook. It has caused me to think. And remember.

Monett High School, 1957-1961. I was allowed to play basketball. That is the advantage of going to a school in a small town.  I got to play. I was not very good, but in those days when there were not a lot of good players, I could play. And I learned. Jim Julian, former football star was the coach. And I am grateful to him, even though he fell on me in a scrimmage and broke my back and basically ended my basketball career.

And the Speech Department. I am grateful for it and it’s teacher, Priscilla Bradford. For when I couldn’t play basketball, I could go to Debate Tournaments, I could develop skills at public speaking, I could have leads in High School plays.

And the Jounalism Class. I not only learned to communicate, but I was able to do the 5 minute daily broadcast of the Monett High School news over the local radio station, KRMO. I learned not to be afraid of sharing myself with others.

And the Music Department and BC Bundy. I learned to read music, to sing and to play the trumpet in the marching band. I was in the Jazz band and learned the music of the streets.

And the citizens of Monett who came to the Dairy Queen my daddy and mother owned. I worked in it and i got to see them. But equally as important as my development in interacting with the public was the fact that they spent their hard earned money there and as a result I and all my siblings were able to go to college and to graduate without debt.

I am grateful to Monett and the High School for helping me grow into a person who could contribute as a citizen of the world.

JUST BEING NICE

Photo by DL Moseley

Photo by DL Moseley

Sometimes it is really hard to do things right. I was in slow traffic and there was a car that was trying to pull out into it. I stopped the car crawl to let the car into the slow traffic. He pulled in. The car behind me started honking impatiently.

“I was just trying to be nice,” I said to  no one in particular. I feel good when I can be nice to another person.

And then I began to wonder about the woman honking behind me.  What was her story? What made her so impatient with my niceness?

Was she already 10 minutes late to the pediatrician? Had she been walking out the door to take her child to the doctor and he pooped his diaper?  So, did she have to go back in and change him, making an already hectic day more stressful.  And late?

Or maybe she is stressed because she just got a call from her 89 year old mother who had just fallen and could not get up.

I realized in thinking thusly that it isn’t always easy to be nice—especially to everyone all at one time. When we are nice to one person, we may be creating a minor inconvenience for another. Or we may be blocking the way for another to address a more significant crisis.

So, not sure that we can always be nice.  Maybe the best we can do is be nice to the person in front of us and hope it doesn’t create too many problems for the one behind us.

IN GENERAL

Recently someone asked me, “What do you think of young people?” I asked, “Which one?” “In general,” he said. I said, “I think they are like they always have been. Each one is different and each one has gifts and challenges.”

One of the things that troubles me is how many of us are tempted to think “in general.” We read about people in the news or hear about people via gossip and we develop opinions about people “in general.” We make broad and sweeping statements about them. “Old people are always. . . . “  “Men always think  . . . “  “English people are  . . . .”

The truth is, no one particular person is “in general.”  Everyone I know is “in particular.” Each person I know is unique and is unlike any other person. My experience with people is that we make some important mistakes in our life when we think about people “in general.” Not all “boomers” are alike. Not all “teen-agers” are alike. What appeals to one doesn’t necessarily appeal to all.

Now, of course, people do studies and discover that a majority of people in a particular category may have a common taste in music or have a certain disposition toward religion. But the fact is, each one of those majority are also inclined toward different nuisances in their response.  And each is also capable of changing in how she/he thinks. Each has a different capacity to respond differently in unique situations. Each has a different history and a different context in which to consider their feelings and responses.

So, I want to be careful when I respond to questions like, “What do you think about young people.” I don’t want to respond i”n general.” To do so disrespects the unique and diverse creation of individual and particular differences. The world is much more interesting and people are much more mysterious if we see them as “in particular.”

SAILING

I just got off the boat 24 hours ago. I was taking sailing lessons in Traverse City Bay off Lake Michigan. We were on a 39 foot yacht. My friend and I were with the Captain and another student going from port to port.  We slept on the boat, studied on the boat and practiced anchoring, saving a “crew overboard”, docking and handling sails in various kinds of wind. We sailed with the 15 knot winds, into the wind on calm waters, and in the stormy waters of 10 to 12 foot waves.(Now that was a real adventure, trying to hold the wheel and steer a course with waves rising and falling, pushing the 18000 pound vessel at will.)

But what I am feeling now is the moving sensation while standing and sitting still. It still feels like I am on the boat even after being on terra firma for these 24 hours. My head feels like it floating.

This adventure makes me aware of how the body adapts. While on the boat, I learned to move the muscles in my body to keep my balance in the rolling waves. My head learned to keep my brain relatively stable as the waters moved the body back and forth.  But, now that I am on land, the brain is taking some time to adjust to the surface under my feet not being in constant motion.

I am grateful for this feeling. It reminds me of how adaptable the human mind and body are. We can move from one environment to another and there is something in us that enables us to continue to be who we are. Our lives may change and feel as if the world has fallen apart and out of control. Winds and waves may apply their pressures.  But, humans are resilient. We are created to adapt to the constant changing reality of life itself. That is how we live and continue to flourish.

So, I feel my brain struggling to stand still.  And I am thankful.

HARD TO SAY

Some people have a hard time expressing words of appreciation. They find it hard to say, “I love you.” They hesitate to tell those who matter to them what it is that they like.

We have had a couple of family deaths recently and those are really hard. One of them was sudden, one was after a long illness. As hard as each  has been, the sudden death had a dimension of unfinished business that was not as much a part of the one with the longer illness. 

When someone has been sick and suffering, there is often many hours when, sitting beside the bed we have the chance to say our love. There is something about the vulnerability of the suffering that softens the heart and causes us to express our appreciation for the life that we have shared.

When death comes suddenly, many times we have not taken the opportunity to share our tender thoughts with the one who leaves us so unexpectedly. While it may be hard to be vulnerable when we are strong, it may be even harder to wrestle with our regret over not expressing our love.

So take time away from screens and stuff that distracts you from your life. Face your fears of looking soft. Be tender. Express your tender feelings to those you care about.

And learn the language of love. Read poetry. Let Hallmark help you. Find a religious community that nurtures your compassionate self and encourages caring action. Let those around you know how much of a gift they are to you.

I don’t think you will regret it.