HATE TURNS OUT THE LIGHT

Some of the best things I read keep calling me back to them so that I can discover more than I saw the first time. Such is the case with Barbara Brown Taylor’s article in the Christian Century (April 2, 2014) entitled “Light without sight.” She shares thoughts about light in darkness that she gleaned in reading And There Was Light by Jacques Lusseyran.

When Lusseyran, a French resistance fighter who was captured by the Nazis  was shipped to Buchenwald, "he learned how hate worked against him, not only darkening his world but making it smaller as well.  When he let himself become consumed with anger he started running into things, slamming into walls and tripping over furniture.”

Hate blinds us even when we can’t see. It disorients us and keeps us from knowing where we are in relationship to other things in our world. Hate crimes are crimes committed because people are blind to the fullness of life in another. They are crimes committed because they can only see what threatens them about the other, not the full humanity of the other. 

But, when Lusseyran “called himself back to attention, . . . the space both inside and outside of him opened up so that he found his way and moved with ease again.The most valuable thing he learned was that no one could turn out the light inside him without his consent.”

When we hate another, when we allow our anger to shrink our world and we lose sight of the fullness of the other, the light goes out within. So, we have to remember that we have control over that inner light.  It will not go out if we allow love of another to overcome our hate.  If we pay attention to the fullness of life that exists in the other, then light will guide us in our relationship with them.

INSIGHTS FROM THE UNSIGHTED

One who can't see with his eyes can certainly help those of us who have eyesight see more clearly.  In her artical "Light without sight" (Christian Century, April 2, 2014) Barbara Brown Taylor introduced us to a French resistance fighter who was imprisoned by the Nazis. Jacques Lusseyran, in his book, And there Was Light shared how he could see light when he went blind. According to Dr. Taylor, "one of his greatest discoveries was how the light he saw changed with his inner condition. When he was sad or afraid the light decreased at once. Sometimes it went out altogether, leaving him deeply and truly blind."

When it gets really dark in our lives, it is hard to see where we are going. Fear of loss narrows our world and swallows light. When we fill in the unknown future with anxiety that tomorrow will not work out well, we become afraid. It is hard to make decisions about moving forward because we have trouble figuring out what the consequences of decisions might be. If we are too anxious that they will be bad, we will narrow our world, moving forward tentatively and haltingly.

But Barbara Brown Taylor then said, "When he (Jacques) was joyful and attentive it [the light] returned as strong as ever. He learned very quickly that the best way to see the inner light and remain in its presence was to love." The Bible puts it this way, "Perfect love casts out fear." Love of life, love of others, paying attention to the joys and pains of others, reduces our fear. Paying attention to our own strength, our own courage, our own resiliency, can give us the energy to step forward into the unknown without as much fear to hold us back and drain our strength. 

Why does love help reduce fear. Because love is the connecting spirit that helps us know that we are not alone. Love is what binds us to each other so that when our hearts weaken, we know that others are there to share our journey with us. Love is that which overcomes our isolation and enables us to live in the strength of shared time and space.

So take it from one who can't see with his eyes. Love your way into the light. It is better than shrinking in fear.

CURSED

I read this today in the Writer’s Almanac: ”My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate.” (Thornton Wilder)

How, I wonder, does one like me, cursed with a compulsion to comprehend, live such advice. It seems as if my drive to understand, to take things apart and comprehend what and why, becomes so strong sometimes that I lose track of the ice cream melting on my plate.

I do know that some of the compulsion is driven by anxiety. When I get anxious about something, I want to collect more information about it. When I am anxious about losing something that is important to me, I want to know more about what people are doing. I start digging, asking questions, sharing information and seeking knowledge.  The word “why” is inflated and fills the room, taking away breathing space for something else.

Seeking knowledge is not bad things. I was nurtured at the breast of knowledge.  Seeking understanding is a virtue. The more we understand about what is happening and what others are thinking and doing, the more likely we are to respond appropriately. A lack of understanding often leads to actions that do not turn out as good as we had hoped.

But, when a seeking to understand gets intensified by fear it becomes a compulsion. And when we are obsessed with comprehending, we are often blinded to the life that is right in front of us.  We wrestle around in our mind with our conundrum while the ice cream drips off the plate to be licked up off the floor by the cat.

So, I want to follow Thornton Wilder’s advice and eat my ice cream while it is on the plate. I think I will have to spend some time looking at what is right in front of me instead of worrying too much about the future that I can’t control. Maybe then I can enjoy more fully the gifts of pleasure that make up my life.

WHEN VISION FAILS

There are times in our lives when we lose our way. The path we are walking becomes overgrown or we are dropped down in a wilderness of unknowing where the way forward is hard to see. Our vision dims and the future we once saw has evaporated. What do we do when we can't see a way forward?

I was once lost in a woods. I had decided to get off the path trampled by humans and follow deer tracks. Deer must be able to squeeze through more underbrush than I can and before long I didn't know which way I was going. I lost track of the deer path and eventually was just walking, one foot in front of the other. It was getting dark and I began to feel anxious. 

I could not see my way out of the woods. So, I started listening. I listened carefully to the sounds and I became aware of low rumbling (trucks passing on the road I had taken to get to the woods). That helped orient me as I knew that the road ran north and south. I listened more and became aware of faint music. Must be life in that direction. So, I followed the sound.

I think when we can't see a vision for our future, we might listen for a direction. Sighted people tend to trust our sight more than what we hear.  But, at times we can't see very far forward and we have to learn to develop other senses. We have heard that God speaks in a still small voice.  Maybe when we are scared and don't know which way to turn we can slow our panicked heart, close our eyes and listen for hints of the direction we might go. We may not know where we are going to come out, but at least we can take courage that there might be hints in what we hear. And if we walk forward with courage, our vision might clear and our future might become more vivid.

DEFINING OURSELVES

Next to my desk is a picture of Deb that I love. She is celebrating life. Her face is raised to the sun, her arms outstretched, receiving the sheer delight of being alive. Next to the picture she posted this statement: "Defining oneself, as opposed to being defined by others, is one of life's most difficult challenges."

I have been thinking about this lately. I have been feeling things that I don't like. I have allowed the actions of others control my feelings and my thoughts. I have sometimes lost sleep. Sometimes the actions of others become so powerful inside my mind that I am unable to be what I want to be. Defining oneself is indeed one of life's most difficult challenges.

As I have wrestled with these things, I remember years of leading congregations. When there are several hundred people in a community there are multiple occasions when people's actions would plant themselves right in the middle of my consciousness. I had to continue to work and do ministry while my feelings about their actions kept distracting me. I remember working consciously to remember that I am in charge of myself. I did not want others to define me.  I did not want other's actions to determine my action. I want to act out of my own values, not the values of others.

So, as I took my thoughts and my feelings for a hike today, I decided that I will take control of my own response to what is happening around me.  I am impacted by what others do and say, and I have feelings of anger and pain. But, I will work to treat others as I want to be treated. That way I can live with myself. I will be who I decide I want to be.