WINDOWS

Words are windows. They are windows on the soul. Sometimes the windows are clean and the view inside is crystal clear.  When words are used to express a truthful insight into the speaker’s heart, they can help us know each other more intimately.

But, sometimes the word-windows are fogged over. Sometimes the window is smudged and the what we see is distorted. Sometimes the words we use are designed to obscure a clear picture of what is really going on inside. Other times the windows are covered with shades to cloak the fear or dampen the desire.

I am satisfied that both kinds of window-words are important to help us navigate life. If we are communicating with someone we trust will treat what they see with respect, we will be inclined to use words that reveal as much of who we are as we or they can tolerate. We want to be known by people who will hear us with mercy, not judge us with malice. These grace filled relationships are sacred gifts to a lonely soul.

But, there are other situations where we find ourselves uncertain about how others will treat what they discover about us. When we are in these kinds of relationships, we will be hesitant to allow them to see too much. We will pull the shades on the window of our souls to protect our hearts from the glare of critical eyes.

So, be careful how you receive what you see through the windows others open to you. Listen with an ear that hears the tremor or delight in the voice. Notice with your eyes seeing the tears rimming the eye—tears of tenderness or tears of terror. Be interested, not critical of what you hear. Know that the soul of another is not yours to trample, but is a gift for you to receive that will help ease the loneliness in both of you.

LINES

There we were—grocery shopping for the contribution we are making to the Thanksgiving gathering. And there we were with all the other shoppers from North East Indianapolis trying to get our baskets through the isles. 

And when we finished shopping we went to check out.  And, you guessed it, we faced lines—not as long as they will be tomorrow, but long enough to make us wonder, “Where are all the cashiers?”  And I did what I always do—look at other lines to see if they are going faster. And as I stand there, I crane my neck to see how fast it is moving, somehow thinking that if I could just see it and get my blood pressure up high enough it would do something to make the line move faster.

But, today I had a memory. And it helped. Today I remembered hearing a speaker once talk about standing in line at Starbucks—a long line.  And everyone was grumbling. And she just shouted out to everyone, “Hey, let’s dance!!” And she started singing and dancing and others joined in. And before she knew it, she was placing her order.

I thought of that today and wondered how much of my time is spent looking ahead hoping life will move faster and all along missing the life that is going on around me in the moment. I realized that leaning into the line and longing to be finished with the moment blinded me to those around me who might be interesting to talk with and share life with.

So, I hope I can keep this perspective in this “lining-up” season where I will be in traffic lines, checkout lines, restaurant lines. I hope I can find a song that I can dance to and open my heart to the life I am living rather than the life that I think I might live if I weren’t in line.

SOUL FOOD

It is just one of those days.  You know how they come from time to time and you just feel crappy—for no apparent reason?  Maybe it is the sliding temperatures, the heavy gray clouds, the cold wind that blows through the autumn clothes. Or maybe I am just due one of those days.

And my wife, Deborah, saw the my hang dog eyes and soon I noticed the aroma filling the house. Familiar! Warm! Memorable! And I went out of my study there was a rack of freshly baked oatmeal cookies filled with raisins and walnuts. Comfort food. Childhood memories! My soul warmed.

I got a glass of milk and ate a couple. Deb said, “Eat more!! Have as many as you want.! And I did.  “When was the last time you ate as many as you wanted?”  I couldn’t remember. A lifetime ago before my belt started complaining whenever I ate so much sugar. Back before I knew that sugar was addictive and that I ought to pace myself.

But, today I ate a few. And it was wonderful!  I began to feel better. I know that comfort eating can be a problem. I know that using food to deal with emotional issues can be a problem. I do not recommend this way of dealing with crappy days.

But, today it seemed OK. Today it was just what the soul longed for. Today it made me feel more human—or at least like the human I want to be. It was soft, warm, sugary, cinnamon, soul food.

And I loved it!

ROSETTA

We have just watched history in the making. The Rosetta spacecraft  has just successfully landed a robot (Philae) on a comet 3.1 billion miles from my house. This spacecraft, launched by the European Space Agency 10 years ago, has travelled at 23,000 miles per hour and the landing is the first human object to be landed on a comet. The comet (P67) is 2.5 miles wide.

As we watched the control center for the ESA stare at their computers, waiting for news of the landing, we too were transfixed. It is incredible that humans have landed a robot on a small piece of rock some 3 billion miles away.

But, I am also fascinated at the vision, the tenacity, the cooperation and the patience this project has taken. The project was started 25 years ago. The spaceship was launched 10 years ago. During the10 year journey, the ship was put to sleep for 2.5 years to save it’s energy, only to be reawakened in January to continue it’s communication with the earth. During it’s absence from radio contact with the earth, it travelled some 2.5 billion miles.

And the project was accomplished by the cooperation of 20 different countries in Europe and support from the US, Canadian and Australian Space Agencies.

I was delighted to watch some good news. So much of what we see makes us worry about human nature. But this experience lifted my hopeful spirit. When humans care, when humans cooperate, when humans see possibilities and thousands of people cooperate to make something good happen, it is amazing what we can do. 

I know that it is naive to assume that such cooperation will happen in all areas of human concern, but this is a testimony to what humans can do if we put our minds to it.

JUDGING

One of my jobs these days is “Transitional Coaching”. Life “in-between” endings and beginnings can be filled with confusion, chaos, fear and self-doubt. I accompany people in these spaces.

After a recent coaching session via Skype with a person in another state, I took a hike. As I walked, I thought about our conversation. But, what kept coming to me was not the words but the visual. I could only see his face and shirt collar. The back ground was blinds and a blank wall. 

I realized how much is lost in just seeing his face. There is no visual context to place the person in. I could not read body language. I realized that the limits of the visual represents the limits of my awareness of the person’s life. Through the stories he tells me I get glimpses, but only glimpses. There is so much of his life and history that are informing what he is saying to me that I will never know.

This is why I think Jesus advised his disciples to “Judge not that you be not judged.” When we make judgments about others, we often do so without very much information about how they got to where they are.  Even if we get some information, there is much that we cannot see in the screen we are using to see them.

And this is not simply a problem for our relationship with others. It is also true for ourselves. We sometimes judge ourselves with only a glimpse into what is really shaping our actions. What we do is shaped by a life-time of experience, much of it not conscious to us at the time we act. So, being critical of ourselves may not be either helpful or fair.

So, I have found that being quick to judge might take a back seat to asking questions so that we or the other person might access more of their life that it might inform their decision. When that happens, they make their own judgments and maybe make better decisions.