BLAME

Interesting things happen to groups in crises. In the face of devastating losses groups of people intuitively react to try to survive in the absence of what has been lost.

The first response is usually to come together. When there has been a threat to the well-being of the group, the impulse is to gather with people who share our sense of threat and pool our resources.  “We are in this together.”  There is often a deepened sense of connection as we rely on each other to get our balance and allay our fears.

We have seen this response in the COVID 19 crisis. Much has been written about how communities of people are coming together to provide what is needed. By the millions we have sheltered in place to keep our health-care systems from being overwhelmed. We have reached out to each other with encouragement and care.

But, there is also another impulse at work when groups are threatened. That is guilt. Losses of significant people and things in our lives evoke a desire to find out who is to blame for our loss.  Because we are designed to live together and because we know that we survive together, when there is a threat, we impulsively begin to seek out who caused our loss.

This is also happening in our current crisis. There is a lot of finger pointing. Some look to others to blame for our circumstance.  Some look to ourselves for not being prepared. Some look to those who are different from us. Others look to those inside our group who didn’t respond the way we thought they should. Someone must be guilty. Someone must be blamed.

Part of this drive is so that we can focus our anger somewhere. The adrenaline that pumps through our system to help us protect ourselves has to go somewhere. Anger is that general energy to survive that wants to focus itself on what is threatening us. This energy is a good thing because it helps us protect ourselves against future threat. We need to discover the weaknesses within our survival system so that we can prevent future threats.

But, the danger of this blaming is that it can also tear us apart. Out of our fear, we can create perceived enemies within our own group. We vilify others. We create scapegoats. We are tempted to believe that our political adversaries are our enemy. The social fabric of a group can become tattered and weaving it back together can be extremely difficult.

I am impulsively reaching out my hand and heart to those who suffer because we are in this together. I also want to know who is responsible for this devastation. I want to protect myself and those I love from future loss. 

With each of these impulses alive in me, I am trying to moderate my responses so that I don’t contribute to the further tearing apart of the social fabric that sustains us. I am trying to keep my heart from hardening toward those I want to blame so that as the rebuilding our world begins I will not be so alienated from my fellow citizens that I cannot contribute to it in a positive way.