DANGER AHEAD

I almost missed it!! I was hiking today on a trail shared with mountain bikers. I decided to go against the traffic so I could see the bikers as they were coming. But, since the last time I was on that trail, spring had sprung. The green undergrowth had burst forth. The trail twisted and turned and I discovered it was harder to see very far down the trail. I leaned into the hike, looking for bikers racing toward me.

And then I noticed it. This yellow flower. Right there where I was beside the trail. I stopped and looked around and the floor of the forest was blooming in purple and white, yellow and pink. I had been so concentrated on looking for bikers so as to avoid getting hit that I didn't even pay attention to the beauty that was right there beside me.

I sometimes think the future does that to us. We are straining to see far enough ahead to avoid danger that might be coming that we fail to look down right where we are walking. The more anxious we are about what is coming around the bend, the less attention we are paying our lives right now.

When I headed back down the trail to my car, I noticed that I was worried about what was coming behind me. I wanted to get out of the way of the bikers and so found myself turning to look behind me at every sound. My attention was focused on what danger from behind.

And I realized that sometimes we are so fearful of our past catching up with us that we spend more time focusing there than on the present and it's beauty and grace.

In all this walking and wondering, I remembered the words of Jesus: "So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today." (Matthew 6:34, NRSV) Maybe if we become less anxious about what might happen or what has happened, we could notice the grace and beauty in what is happening.

GETTING AWAY FROM IT ALL

I recently felt overwhelmed.  There was just so much going on. Friends and family hurting, anxiety about the stock market, war and refugees filling the TV screen.  I just wanted to get away from it all.

And I am  not alone. Most people I know have those times when they just don’t want to deal with it all.  The world presses in and the soul can’t absorb it. Our daily skills of filtering the variety of experiences that come to us seem to have deserted us. 

But, one thing I have discovered about getting away from it all is that it isn’t as easy as just leaving home and taking a vacation.  I have discovered that “all” accompanies me. While I packed my suit case and intentionally left worry and stress in my sock drawer, they would not be denied. When I unpacked at the beach, there they were, waiting to re-enter my mind.

It was then that I realized that getting away from it all is getting out of my own mind and heart.  For you see, what I deal with is not all that stuff around me, but the “all” that presses in and threatens to suffocate my spirit is my response to all the stuff around me. And the reason I can't get away from it all is because of my love. It is my love for my family and friends that keeps me connected even when I am not there. It is my love for humanity that makes me wrestle with international issues of war and pain.

So, the issue is not my family and friends, the world and its suffering, the security and insecurity of money and life.  The issue is how I carry these in my heart. Do I cling to them and tangle with them in such a way that they posses me?  Or, is there a way to love and care for each other that allows us to hold each other lightly?

At times, I trust my ability to worry and fret and believe that the more I do that, the less problems there will be and the more likely peace will come.  But, that only exhausts me.  When I get overwhelmed, I have to trust in the power of some spirit outside myself to hold those I worry about. Some say that they have to turn it over to  God. I am not sure who holds my concern and worry, but I want to believe that it is a beneficent power who is stronger than I.

WORRYWART

When I was growing up, it was said this way: "Don't be a worry wart!!".  Jesus said, "Don't worry about tomorrow. . . ."  And he said, "Don't worry about your life, what you shall eat or drink, . . . " My experience tells me that this is easier said than done. Worrying seems to be a natural part of our mortal existence in a changing world.

Adam Phillips, in his book "On Kissing, Tickling and Being Bored: Psychoanalytic Essays on the Unexamined Life" writes that the word "worry" comes from a word that means to kill by strangulation.  It referred to what a dog did when it caught it's prey. In some sense, that illumines the our experience of worry. We latch onto a thought or an idea and we try to consume it.  We try to take it apart so we can take it into our minds and digest it.

The word has come to mean not only what we do but what is done to us. We not only worry about things, but things worry us. It is as if we are trying to simplify something enough that we can digest it and integrate it into our life, or that we are overcome by something and trying to take it apart to make sense of it.

I have never figured out how to not worry. When things happen that cause me to wonder about myself and my future, I have to spend time thinking about it. I envy those who have "worry beads" because it seems that at least the fingering of the beads gives a sense of order and sequence to thoughts that are more generally chaotic and disorganized.

So, I don't advise people not to worry. That is almost like telling people not to breathe. But, I do suggest that the unknown future and the feelings of fear that they evoke are worth pondering. I think it is human to engage in "soulful wrestling" with the principalities and powers that seem to live within us and around us. And it seems to me that this is what prayer is: soulful wrestling.

But, there needs to be margins around our worrying, our pondering. There needs to be times when we move forward in our living, not swallowed by our worries. To be consumed by worry sucks energy from living our lives and loving that which around us. Take time to pray or ponder but don't let it steal all your energy for living.