TAKE SMALL STEPS

[This post is the fourth in a series of devotions on forgiveness that I first published last year in a leaders’ devotional book, "Disciplines 2013" from The Upper Room. This is based on a reading found in Luke 15:25-32]

 It seems the reuniting of a family would be cause for unbridled celebration. Hurt and separation are not desired. But betrayal and abandonment cut deep.  The brother who remained at home was wounded.  He not only suffered the loss of his brother who deserted him, but he was left to share his father’s pain.  It is hard when someone we love is hurt.  The cut is even deeper.

 So, when the happy reunion occurred, the older brother didn’t join in.  He could have done his duty and joined the festivities, but anger was deep.  He was not only responsible while his brother wasted his inheritance, but he also must now share the remainder since his brother was now a son again.  Not only the past needed to be grieved, but also the loss of the future that he had anticipated.

  Is it fair to ask the older brother to forgive his younger brother?  Certainly if the father’s desire for family unity is honored, then he has no choice.  But, don’t ask him to like it.  Overcoming deep and shaming pain is an arduous process.  Forgiveness isn’t simply declaring that it’s over.  Grieving the loss of the world you knew and the world  you hoped for takes time.  Being freed for a new tomorrow requires a forgiving spirit that must grow toward that liberated future.  It takes patience. Take small steps.  It takes prayerful conversation with the offending party and your own soul.

 Also keep in mind the mind of the father.  While the younger son has new opportunity and does not suffer permanent separation, the older son is the beneficiary of the steadfast presence and affection of the father.  While it may appear that the gifts of grace are only for those who do grievous offense, there is constant and faithful presence for those who never know the pain of separation. Hold on to  God’s constant grace.

Hold us, patient Redeemer, in your constant state of grace. 

SCATTERED STONES OF SEPARATION

[This post is the third in a series of devotions on forgiveness that I first published last year in a leaders’ devotional book, "Disciplines 2013" from The Upper Room. This is based on a reading found in Luke 15:20-21 and Psalm 32:3-5]

In the midst of conflict between family members, the changes that offend and alienate, and the losses of innocence and identity that result from those things, certain longings and actions follow.  The son who had left home, insulted his father and spoiled the family plans for the future, came to his senses.  He discovered that his longing for an independent and individualistic future was not as powerful as his longing for home and relationships with those who love and sustain.  In the absence of home, he discovered a hope for home.

Out of his loss and emptiness, he went to his father and confessed that he had made a mistake. He named the losses that he and his family suffered. In humility he realized that he could not come back into the family as he was.  He was not worthy.

But in confessing, an interesting thing occurred.  He discovered that the onerous burden that he and his family experienced was lifted. His father had been holding in his heart a pool of grace for his son. The family would never be the same.  The future would always be shaped by the experiences of the past.  He was welcomed back as a son, but no one would be the same.  Grace and forgiveness does not restore life as it was. It simply reconnects the wounded and scarred so that there is a chance to build something new.  

God’s agenda is a future where shalom is a reality.  His desire is for communities to be free from the power of the past to control their future so that the future might be rebuilt out of the scattered stones of separation and alienation.  Psalmists sing of the burden that is lifted when the heart confesses.  How have you contributed to God’s agenda in creating a heart of grace that reformation might take place?

Grant us the courage to confess, O God, and open ourselves to reconnection. 

SLAVE MENTALITY

[This post is the second in a series of devotions on forgiveness that I first published last year in a leaders' devotional book, "Disciplines 2013" from The Upper Room. This is based on a reading found in Joshua 5:9-12]

The Hebrew people had suffered it all.  They had been free but famine drove them into hunger.  Their hunger drove them into Egyptian slavery.  In their suffering they cried out for liberation.  Moses was sent to lead them to freedom.  They discovered that freedom isn’t easy.  Their wilderness wandering confronted them with fear and terror, anger and frustration.  Their interminable wandering and fear stripped them of their dependency on slave masters and opened them to trust in the God who accompanied their ancestors Abraham and Sarah.  They knew loss and pain.

But, now they were moving into the land that had been opened to them.  They crossed the Jordan freed from their identity as slaves but uncertain of their identity as Israelites. They created new symbols to represent the journey.  They reclaimed practices to remind them of their identity.

They discovered that, freed from their dependency on slave mentality, they were being called to a new beginning, a new self-understanding. They no longer could count on manna.  They were now confronted with planting, harvesting and securing their own food.  The work of deconstructing their identity as slaves was over.  They were now in a land where they could construct a new people.  They had work to do.

We too move through wilderness places where we lose our sense of identity and security.  Like our Hebrew ancestors, we too experiment and learn from our experience.  We too receive forgiveness from a wandering God. 

But, then it comes time to embrace our freedom and contribute to the building of a new self.  God works to help us forgive the past so it doesn’t control our future, but we have a responsibility to contribute to the emerging of the new self.  What work are you now doing to create your grace-filled forgiven self?

Accompany us, good God, as we wander and embrace our new creative energy as we become your new creation. 

MOVING BEYOND THE PAIN

[This post is the first in a series of devotions on forgiveness that I first published last year in a leaders' devotional booklet, "Disciplines" from The Upper Room. This is based on the parable of the prodigal that is found in Luke 15:1-3 & 11-19]

Parables are pluralistic.  They are like Mexican pinatas.  Filled with treasures, they are prodded and poked.  When they break open, they contain treasures.  The gifts are diverse and appeal to different tastes and interests. Consequently they are always old and ever new because the one who hears is ever changing and is always in a different place.

One of the treasures of this parable is it’s revelation of disappointment and loss.  The father in charge of the family had a plan.  But, the son who asked for his inheritance early (thus implying that his father had already died to him) threw a monkey wrench in that plan.  His son had a different idea about how life was to turn out.  This would be deeply disappointing to the father. 

This disappointment is not unlike our experiences.  Our dreams and plans are good, but often they don’t work out.  Change seems to be stalking the edges of our life’s designs.  Our hard work to secure a future that we want is often rewarded with disappointment and grief.  Change is the one constant that we can count on in life so loss is the consistent reality.

This reality often burdens our moving forward into the future.  The father in the parable was undoubtedly saddened and struggled to stay on an even keel.  His dreams were shattered  as his heart was broken by his son’s leaving.  

We too experience such loss and grief in our lives.  We are disappointed when life doesn’t turn out the way we think it should.  Moving beyond the pain of the losses of the past requires that we open ourselves to the forgiving spirit of God’s love.  If we cannot grieve the losses and accept the freeing forgiveness for the future, the weight of that ungrieved loss will break us.  What loss do you need to name and grieve?

Hear my pain, O God, and give me courage to face my disappointment.

LIMITED PERSPECTIVE

Community creates insights. I recently shared in conversation with a group about the issue of forgiveness. As all conversations, this one wandered and was wide ranging. 

One of the men suggested that one of our problems as humans is that we make judgements about each other on too little data. He talked of how rich an experience it was when people in a group were asked to tell stories of their lives. His initial perception of them was radically altered when he heard more of the story of their lives.

I remember struggling with a colleague for several years. I was then on a retreat when he was asked to share his spiritual journey. He told of his childhood, his father who was severe in his judgment of him.  He talked of his struggle to overcome the model that he had witnessed. He talked of the animating energies and his struggles with his own demons. As I listened, my heart softened and beyond that retreat, I was able to relate in a way that was healthier and more grace-filled.

Sometimes we are so committed to our perception of people that was formed at one point or another when we could only see a little of who they were. Maybe if we don't lock ourselves into those perceptions and stay curious about the larger mystery that they are, we would discover persons whom we could care for and relate to more gracefully.

I don't know about you but I hate to be judged on the basis of what I do at one or two points in my life. I want to be seen and known for the self that has lived, loved, screwed up, been forgiven, make mistakes, offered grace, received grace, been weak and wounded, been strong and capable.  When I remember that I want to be seen this way, I can more likely allow myself to see others that way.

I am grateful for what I learn in community.