SAD

“I don’t understand.  Why am I so sad these days?” 

This question came up recently in a conversation with a friend. He was reflecting on his feelings and how they had evolved over the months we have been stumbling our way through the COVID wilderness. 

“When this first started I was mad and scared. And I was sad over the things I couldn’t do.  But, I thought I had gotten past that. Now, it seems, out of no where sadness overtake me when I least expect it.”

I am not sure why it is, but it does seem that the longer this crisis drags on, the more the emotion of sadness infects the air around my heart.

In my work in the area of grief and loss, I have come to realize that this re-emerging sadness is fairly normal. Immediately after any significant loss, we know that things have ended.  That is, we know it in our head.  And we are sad.

But, as the absences extend into weeks and months, we “know” the loss more internally. As we live into the loss, we realize three things. One is that the losses we experience are more likely to be permanent. Our bodies catch up with our mind’s knowledge of the absence, and the feelings rise up out of the depth of our souls.

And a second realization takes place. Any loss has multiple components to it. The loss of our trust in the ability to stay safe means that we have also lost hugs, mobility, socialization, communal worship. And when can we make plans? What is our future? So many losses! Fear has tentacles that reach into every dimension of our lives.

And, the longer this goes, the more tired we become. And when we become tired, we are less able to regulate our emotions. So, sadness creeps up on us and surprises us.

So, if you too are discovering deeper sadness these days, you are not alone. As you grieve the losses of your lives and learn to live without important parts of what you have counted on, explore your internal life. Let tears do their work. Don’t waste energy keeping your sadness at bay. Give into it and let the tension go. In the release of tears we open ourselves to new energy which we need for living into the world to which God is calling us.

And then reach out to others by phone or letter or virtual reality and let them share their sadness with you.  Sharing pain can ease the tension and give us space to move forward into the next day in this wilderness journey.