DISAPPOINTMENT

I  have heard it a lot these days. In the tears of children. In the frustration of youth and young adults. In the tired and discouraged voices of adults. In the longing of older adults. In my own heart.

We didn’t get to: graduate, have a birthday party, go to the prom, meet the family on vacation, have a visit with the grandchildren, and the list goes on and on.

Dreams dashed. Plans cancelled. Hopes withered.

So much disappointment! So much wasted anticipation. So much planning down the drain.

Of course this COVID season has many deep and profound losses to grieve: jobs, family members, health, financial security, safety. So many people have had what they have trusted and based their mental and physical health knocked out from under them.

But, disappointment is also about loss too.  Dreams are real. Plans are real. Much of our lives are lived and enriched by anticipation of that which is to come.  And while I know that the loss of these isn’t on the scale of the life threatening losses of many, I don’t think we should diminish them. Not getting to do them hurts. 

And they are to be grieved. Children and old people, young people and adults who are disappointed have to learn to live without the dream and plan that was important.  We must learn to live without something that really mattered to us. To diminish our feelings because these losses are not of the magnitude of the losses that others experience does a disservice to our spirits and our ability to learn to grieve other losses of our lives.

So, when you identify disappointments in yourself or others around you, listen. Allow words to form around the feelings.  Allow pain and anger to be expressed. Create a space inside yourself or in the hearts of others where pain can be held in merciful grace. Eventually we will have to forgive the world for not being what we wanted it to be. We will have to work through our feelings till the pain of our disappointment will ease and we can open up to the new possibilities that are ours.  

These are tough times.  And our feelings are raw and on edge. We need to honor them rather than dismiss them. We need to show tenderness to ourselves and those around us. The future will open up and we will need our energy and our ego to navigate the new choices that we have to make. We will need each other to find our way forward.