When all around you seems to be coming unglued, when foundations shake and dreams shatter, when fear eats away at your confidence and terrorizes you in the middle of the night, what do you do?
Many of us are feeling out of balance. The economic crisis, the health crisis, the racial tensions and the ecological threats work together to disorient us. Things we have trusted do not seem to hold.
I have been experiencing the world’s pain and stress and realize that my soul is unsteady. Where can I stand that is stable? What can I trust to guide me through all these external and existential upheavals? What spirit transcends the circumstances of my life and shapes the way I make it through?
These are spiritual questions. Crises in our lives often create spiritual disorientation. We discover in the midst of our losses that we have trusted our well-being to the world around us. But, the world around us doesn’t always sustain.
I have been driven back to my roots. When nothing else holds me, I am held by love. Whatever changes, I love. Whatever threatens, I am loved.
In my struggle to find my way in this time, I am reminded of an event in my young adulthood. I was struggling with despair, with a loss of faith, a lack of trust in what life was about. “In my quest to answer that question I turned to one of my professors, . . . I was frightened and losing myself. [He} asked me, ‘do you believe anything at all?’ I thought a while and finally said, ‘Well I believe that love is better than not love.’ to which he said, ‘Faith is like a bicycle. You have to be moving to keep your balance. So if you believe in love, ride love.’” (p.116 in ‘LOSE, LOVE LIVE: THE SPIRITUAL GIFTS OF LOSS AND CHANGE)
So I am riding love; loving and being loved. The limits of our present situation require that I find new ways of caring for others. I have to listen and respond in new ways. And I have to receive love of others in the way they can give it. It may not be done as it was in the past, before COVID, but care is offered. When I feel out of balanced, I go back to love.
Scripture tells us that perfect love casts out fear. I am not there. And probably will never be there. But, imperfect love can moderate fear, and it can give me some direction forward. It may not be all I want, but it may be enough for me to keep my balance through the chaos of this time. And that will be really good!